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Post by afterdarkness on Oct 27, 2017 21:38:26 GMT -6
Good evening guys. Like many humans, I have a constellation of problematic things that I don't always have the clarity, the time or the energy to pray about, any of which could wreck me at any given moment. It isn't the car. There's a backup car. It isn't the house, it's going to be taken care of. I'm employed, and it's a blessing and answered prayer. It's my brain and all the rest of me. I am broken with clinical depression. Pray I could keep it between the ditches and not, you know. Wreck. I have wrecked before, it isn't great. I have stayed wrecked before. Not great either. Pray I don't wreck. I recently went no-contact with a narcissistic abuser. It's been fun, I've been elated, please pray that he just backs off. I was married to him for seven years, I've given him eleven years of the best of my sanity, and we've been separated for four of that. Not the reason I have depression, but it hasn't helped. I came here to be near family so I could heal. I'm healing, just very absent from relationships that were water for my soul, and I ache with that constantly. Pray I'd be content, because it's where the Lord has me now. Even if it means that I ache with missing my people. I got a whole day off today that I have longed for, because my little one got a stomach bug. I did not ask for that for her, and neither did she, but we have snuggled all day together, and she was finally able to sleep. She woke up recently and will no doubt be up another few hours past her bedtime, but she is a new kid again. Very thankful for that. I haven't had a whole day in awhile, and this week I would have had to work six days. I go in tomorrow again. I really hate my job sometimes, but pray that I would be content. I prayed for it because it's a good fit for my kids' schedule. And it's full-time. It's a blessing. But the people... you know how you'd rather be alone than be with some people sometimes? Oh my dog. These people. Bless them, good gracious... But pray I'd be content. I don't always ask for joy, but I need it. I'm coming up on a low point. You live with this mental stuff, you get where you can tell. It's difficult to walk through, but it isn't frightening. I'm not in any danger, it's just the pain. The dark. It's real, and it's difficult. It can be overwhelmingly difficult. I have seen the worst of what this illness has to offer. Short version: It's bad. I know what I'm going into, just not how bad or for how long. More, I know Christ is there too. I don't want to, but I don't always have a choice. My body starts to feel the effects too, not just my brain. So pray. I want to ask for a miracle, but I don't know what to ask for because I don't know what that would look like. Y'all can come up with something, I leave it to your discretion. Treatment is an option, just not right now. I'm not attached to getting or not getting treatment, it's just not in the cards now. At some point yes, it'd be nice. Smooth out the wrinkles a little so it gets twilight sometimes instead of these long stretches of dark. I chose my handle on this site to remind myself that there is something after the darkness: Light. Bless y'all, and thank you so much. PS: I am on here a lot less than I'd like to be, but I always look forward to seeing what's going on when I can catch up. Grace and peace
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Post by MikeTaft on Oct 28, 2017 4:59:13 GMT -6
Good evening guys. Like many humans, I have a constellation of problematic things that I don't always have the clarity, the time or the energy to pray about, any of which could wreck me at any given moment. It isn't the car. There's a backup car. It isn't the house, it's going to be taken care of. I'm employed, and it's a blessing and answered prayer. It's my brain and all the rest of me. I am broken with clinical depression. Pray I could keep it between the ditches and not, you know. Wreck. I have wrecked before, it isn't great. I have stayed wrecked before. Not great either. Pray I don't wreck. I recently went no-contact with a narcissistic abuser. It's been fun, I've been elated, please pray that he just backs off. I was married to him for seven years, I've given him eleven years of the best of my sanity, and we've been separated for four of that. Not the reason I have depression, but it hasn't helped. I came here to be near family so I could heal. I'm healing, just very absent from relationships that were water for my soul, and I ache with that constantly. Pray I'd be content, because it's where the Lord has me now. Even if it means that I ache with missing my people. I got a whole day off today that I have longed for, because my little one got a stomach bug. I did not ask for that for her, and neither did she, but we have snuggled all day together, and she was finally able to sleep. She woke up recently and will no doubt be up another few hours past her bedtime, but she is a new kid again. Very thankful for that. I haven't had a whole day in awhile, and this week I would have had to work six days. I go in tomorrow again. I really hate my job sometimes, but pray that I would be content. I prayed for it because it's a good fit for my kids' schedule. And it's full-time. It's a blessing. But the people... you know how you'd rather be alone than be with some people sometimes? Oh my dog. These people. Bless them, good gracious... But pray I'd be content. I don't always ask for joy, but I need it. I'm coming up on a low point. You live with this mental stuff, you get where you can tell. It's difficult to walk through, but it isn't frightening. I'm not in any danger, it's just the pain. The dark. It's real, and it's difficult. It can be overwhelmingly difficult. I have seen the worst of what this illness has to offer. Short version: It's bad. I know what I'm going into, just not how bad or for how long. More, I know Christ is there too. I don't want to, but I don't always have a choice. My body starts to feel the effects too, not just my brain. So pray. I want to ask for a miracle, but I don't know what to ask for because I don't know what that would look like. Y'all can come up with something, I leave it to your discretion. Treatment is an option, just not right now. I'm not attached to getting or not getting treatment, it's just not in the cards now. At some point yes, it'd be nice. Smooth out the wrinkles a little so it gets twilight sometimes instead of these long stretches of dark. I chose my handle on this site to remind myself that there is something after the darkness: Light. Bless y'all, and thank you so much. PS: I am on here a lot less than I'd like to be, but I always look forward to seeing what's going on when I can catch up. Grace and peace Praying for you sister. I too used to deal with depression and anxiety/panic attacks. My panic attacks used to get so terrible that it virtually felt like a heart attack. It wasn't until I surrendered everything completely to the Lord. I began to walk closer to Jesus. Talk to Him more. Walk in joy because no matter where I was He is there with me also. This process wasn't instant. I would lay my depression and anxiety at the Lord's feet and sometimes I would pick it back up and start to drift back into my old problems of worry. Then Jesus would call me back to Him and I'd give everything back to Him. Today I can say by the amazing grace of God I am depression/anxiety free because Jesus took it all away. Draw close to Him and seek His comforting presence. He loves you so much and He is your first love! I love my wife dearly, but any given day Jesus comes first for me. He is our light sister, and when there's light there's absence of darkness. We love you dearly sister and know that you are never alone because Christ is always with you. The darkness of night is just before the morning light!
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Post by barb84 on Oct 28, 2017 8:05:15 GMT -6
I will be praying for you. I have struggled myself in this area. This may sound weird, but not eating sugar or wheat was very helpful for me. Hard to avoid those things, I know.
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Post by whatif on Oct 28, 2017 11:57:12 GMT -6
I will be praying for you too, afterdarkness! May the Lord comfort you with His peace, with His strength, with His love, and with His healing.
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Post by cwood85 on Nov 6, 2017 1:37:35 GMT -6
Praying for you dear. I can all to relate to this, especially the knowing of when another trip down the rabbit hole is around the corner and not knowing how deep the hole is this time. Yes painfully familiar...
Medication, therapy sessions, behavior modification treatments, but nothing quite does it like a good long talk with the Lord. Let Him know what is happening and ask for help and peace ❤️
While I still have ups and downs here and there, they are nothing like the internal torment I used to endure on a constant basis. Only because of Him.
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Post by barbiosheepgirl on Nov 7, 2017 10:57:02 GMT -6
for our sister, afterdarkness I know that Ephesians 6 must have been brought to your attention over the years. I am lifting you in prayer to Him right now, with Ephesians 6 in mind. That you find strength from your feet to your heart to your head, that the Armor of the Lord will protect you in this down time.. Copying the verses here for you and those who are also praying for you, or are feeling the same afflictions, as a blessed reminder of how to focus in our darkest times. I think this is one of the best set of verses that we all ought to memorize. The key being this: our struggle is spiritual. We must bind the enemy of darkness in the name of Jesus, bind the deceptive demons that toy with your thoughts and feelings. It is ok to get angry at them, righteous anger, as you are a child of God, and not one of these evil schemes will hold you captive. Search your heart, ask the Lord to forgive you of things that you may not have thought were having a hold of you (put on that breastplate of righteousness). Sometimes our shield of Faith is thin, for whatever reason. Sometimes we doubt things we knew to be true of His Word, we doubt because we are not feeling His presence. Paul reminds us of this: 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. in prayer to you, your sister barbio
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Post by mike on Nov 7, 2017 18:20:09 GMT -6
I will remember you in my prayers afterdarkness. I have a request for you too. Please pray for me, the other mods, Gary, the regular members, the infrequent visitors and guests lurking here. I mean pray! Not mention - PRAY! I believe prayer is for us more than for God. He knows everything we need, everything we're going to say before we ask for it. Prayer helps bring our spirit and mental attitude where it should be. So please pray for us too and you will be strengthened. The time is short and our adversary is attacking US! He hates us, the very image of God, who gave Himself for US! I am sorry for the rant...I will take the rest elsewhere. Please pray
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Post by witness1 on Nov 7, 2017 18:55:06 GMT -6
There is such heavy spiritual warfare right now. We are blessed that we are awake and able to engage in the battle. Praying with you.
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Post by afterdarkness on Nov 9, 2017 15:40:21 GMT -6
Guys I want to just say thank you so much. Since I made this request there have been some less bouyant days for me, but I don't feel like I'm sinking. All of your wisdom and gentle prompting has been taken to heart, and the Lord has blessed it and your prayers.
Bless each one of you. I will be lifting you up as well.
This fight is something else. It's good to be around people who understand that we need to be able to have each other's backs.
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Post by watchman35 on Nov 9, 2017 19:16:48 GMT -6
I, too, can relate to some of your struggles afterdarkness. Depression is an insidious and often multi-faceted enemy. There are potentially so many different contributing factors that it is impossible to come up with a universal remedy, other than to cry out to God for mercy and healing. Biological, circumstantial, and spiritual factors combine in various proportions at any given time. If one has never battled against this evil, it can be very easy to fall into a judgmental mindset against those of us who struggle. I have battled it off and on throughout my life, but most recently and most severely when a brutal attack of Lyme disease ravaged my brain and nearly took my life. By the grace of God alone, I am still here, struggling daily to try to pick up the pieces of a shattered life. My prayer for you is that God's strength would be manifested in the midst of your weaknesses, that He might be glorified in your life. I also pray that He would allow His love to flow to you through family and friends who have the grace to love you, support you, and encourage you, while resisting the temptation to judge you. I fully understand how in the moment, the darkness can often feel like anything but a light and momentary affliction. Nevertheless, in the scheme of eternity, we will one day be able to fully appreciate how, in fact, that is exactly what this will become--a light and momentary affliction achieving for us a weight of eternal glory far beyond all comparison. In the meantime, let us set our hearts upon the blessed hope, the appearing of our Great God and Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. There are reasons yet again to be on high watch this coming weekend. Maranatha, Lord Yeshua!!! We long to be in the presence of Your glory, where all darkness, including the darkness of depression, will have no choice but to flee, even as the darkness in every inch of a darkened room must flee when the light is turned on. Bright and morning star, shine upon us tonight. In Yeshua's mighty Name, the Name above every other name, we pray...Amen.
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Post by mike on Nov 9, 2017 21:18:59 GMT -6
This song...the Holy Spirit...He just led me to this song yesterday...let Him minister to you through this, as it has me. Soak it in, meditate on the words. Peace my brothers & sisters "He is here so it is well"
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Post by gary777 on Nov 14, 2017 9:56:52 GMT -6
Bless you, all of you! This family of believers is an amazing family and I pray for you and thank you for your prayers. We have been on a journey of discovery and seen many signs yet out LORD is so amazing His plan is greater than our imaginations can even understand. Hold on to the end, we will find victory in Jesus and be witnesses to some amazing events the world has never seen. We are in the "Calm before the storm" what that storm will look like IDK but we know the One who calms the storm. God bless all of you!
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